Nonchalant Thoughts.

I guess nobody really understands me.

No one.

It's wrong to work hard.
It's wrong NOT to work hard.

... really pissed.

I mean, some people actually want my dad to talk to LKY to complaint about army.

wow. I didn't know that my dad was so powerful!

zzz...

"... i didn't know I had such a useless boyfriend."

ok.

yeah. I'm useless.

... yeah... I know... I've been useless all along for so many years.

I'm useless because I do whatever I've been told...
I'm useless because I do not stand up for myself...
I'm useless because I just strive to give the best in everything I do...

I know I'm being exploited..

But given a choice between having an easy, boring life, compared to a life that is blazingly hardworking.. I think i'd choose the latter...

Yes, it's true that I'm stressed.

and it's true that I do have a choice not to do my work.

But what would happen otherwise?

Would another person be assigned to do it? - No.
Would another person be forced against his will to do it? - Yes.
Would people get angry for that? - Yes.
Would people suffer for that? - Yes.
Would people's trust get severed? - Yes.

... I just don't think that all this is worth me pushing away my responsibilities or tasks...

I know that SAF is a screwed up, F***** up organization.

But since I'm not given a choice not to serve, I'd might as well give it the best I have!

If everybody had the mentality that SAF is screwed up and thus be screwed up, of course things will never change...





If I could rank my personality I think that I'm a

1) Stubborn
2) Selfless
3) Christian

I'm stubborn. Stubborn to the point of stupidity. If I truly believe in something, I will be blind to everything else. I will accept no other opinions, and no other answers, unless every single evidence around me crumbles to dust.

I'm selfless. In the retarded way. I would rather suffer then cause many friends and people I love around me to suffer in the slightest way. I would rather die then let the whole world suffer a day because of me.

I believe that "Christian" is a personality. Because of its value that has been drilled into me.
"Do unto others what you would want others to do unto you."
"Love your enemy."
"Love the Lord your God, with all your heart, with all your mind and all your strength."



sigh...



Does anybody truly understand my conflict?
I don't think so.



...I really don't think so...